First post of 2017

Looking back, I think the most memorable incident in 2016 would be the "accountability issues" that I brought up to a certain group. Have to admit that I did have hidden agendas and to prove a point when I brought up the issues.

The way I chose to brought up the whole incident, have cause some unhappiness and led to some "unfair retaliation actions & judgement" and it really took a while for me  to convince myself to just forgo the outcome even though I still belive that I was "right".

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This year as I begin to take small step and share my business plan with others, hoping to get "suitable teamates" aboard my team, the more ideas I get to improve my "masterplan". To be honest, the current "masterplan" is barely 1% done.

I shared with one of my CDS class that my dream was to have a Net Worth Asset of $40 Billion.(40,000,000,000). I bet people reading this would say I am crazy and it's impossible. Even the combine assets of the top 5 billionaires in Singapore is also less than $40 billion.

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Perharp due to the influence of that culture, I chose to stay dormant and strike only with confident because I afraid of the losing consequences.I am afraid of showing my "true self". I envy people who dare to show their "true wild self".

I am afraid that if I am too wild, how would people view me when I tried to talk to them about serious things.

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Updates

Been quite a while since I updated due to my laziness. As usual things happen and some decisions are made.

Cambodia OCIP

The good
I was one of the group leader and I kinda have some control over some of the activities and the stuffs that we do over there. I also have a good co-leader and team members that I can depend on with some of the activities and some last minutes tasks. I also made some new friends and learn a lot of this trip in term of logistic and planing as well.I also kinda get some ideas and inspiration from there as well.

The bad

For this trip, almost everyone was assign a "donation items lugguge" that we are in charge of. There is about 13 lugguges & duffel bags and about 7 big paper bags recorded in a "donation lugguge list" And this is how a logistic nightmare happen.

On the first day of the trip,I was already kinda of pissed off even before we board the plane at Changi Airport. I was tasked to re-tag the "donation items luggages" so I was doing it by myself then I was told that I should delegate some jobs to my team members which i did not want to because some of the "donation paper bags" was mixed up and I have no ideas where they went and i don really know most of the people in my group. Then reluctantly i get some of my team member to help out.

Then when was being ask for the number of "check in lugguges" after we check in all the lugguges, I was not really able to give a actual number because I cannot locate the "missing bags",so I just say the number that is on the list.

At Phnom Penh airport,I was the first few to reach the lugguge belt,so I went to the toilet. The lugguge belt was quite short and it was in a corner.When I came out from the toilet, I saw the whole group standing around the lugguge belt along with all the rest of the passengers from our flight and it was quite chaotic because the lugguge belt was quite short,so there is no point all of us crowding around it and blocking other people from getting their lugguges and the best part is all of us are wearing the same shirts with Temasek poly name on our sleeve,which make it more obvious that we are a big group.So I told all the guys to take the lugguges out from the belt and the ladies to put all the lugguges on the trolley.But due to the differences in thinking and method of doing things, I was kinda being "told off" that my method might cause unnecessary jobs as we would later still find back the lugguges we are in charge of.

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During Day 2 afternoon,there was a big rain that kinda affect our activity plan and some of us were quite drench.I really felt very bad for the guide that went to buy ponchos in the rain.

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Due to a communication problem on the 4 day, most of the guys were being scolded. So this is what happened from my point.

During Day 3 night,the guides have help us to buy quite a number of donation items that the teachers have ask them to buy on our behalf and they sent to the guesthouse that we are staying. If I did not heard wrong or understand wrongly, the guides will arrange people to deliver the items over the next day (Day 4).

So on Day 4 morning, some of the guys did not want to eat breakfast so we went down a bit later than usual. The moment we went down, one of the teacher scold us for coming down late and that most of the ladies and the guesthouse staffs help to load the foods on the van. At that moment I was like "stun" when the teacher say the ladies and the guesthouse staffs help to load the food items to the van because that was not our job in the first place

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Semester 2.2

I am quite happy with my new projects mate based on the past few week of class discussion and etc.

I am also quite excited for Service Skill Methodology (SSM). It kinda bring back memories from my days back in NITEC doing service operation for Amber @ West (training restaurant) from having no breaks to having 1 hour break.

Since SSM does not require us to iron table cloth, I was really aiming to get at least 30mins break during the first service operation..But at the same time I also do not want to spoil other people chance of learning so I will just take action only when require.

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Regarding why i leave HCC

The reasons why I leave HCC is because of my personal reason which is I am actually busy with some stuffs that I am doing. I decided to leave on my own accord and not because people is judging me or whatever. I was kinda stun when i decided to look at my blog and I notice a message left by someone in August. I do not know what your past experience in HCC but my was quite a pleasant  one.

What's next ??

I mean seriously what's next??
I mean, I also don really understand myself.

I used to think that I really change the world,
Acting on the impulse thoughts

As time goes by,
the more mask I "wear",
the more confuse I get..

Sometime I am not sure i am acting on "goodwill" or "selfish through",
I mean I am so used to do things on that fine "gray lines",
"Good" or "Wrong" sometime really does not matter to me as long at things are done.

Still remember than incident whereby I went Zouk on Saturday till early Sunday morning,
then went rest somewhere for a few hours,
then went to church with a semi hangover face,
Is this what people meant by "假 holy" ??

Sometime I do really wonder what is the "impression" that i give other??
a quiet guy?? a semi-beng?? a old uncle ?? a childish guy ?? a bossy guy ??
I do act differently with different people

I do feel afraid of the future.
People of my age are in NS/completed NS
I do really want to own a  business of my own,but i am always broke
I do really want to do stuffs that people might think its crazy
I do like the feel of "anticipation" and adrenaline rush

No i am not emotional
It's just that sometime venting out those feeling inside, somewhat make me feel better.

Breaking from the inside out

Wanted to write down some stuffs but always end up procrastinating...

Taken from what i posted on my Instagram

"Coming from a competitive family background where relative are quite well off compare to my family,but being the 2 eldest among the 3rd generation,i am glad i don have to compete with my other cousins.

But at a age I am in now,the future seem to close yet so far...2 years from now,"NS"...4 years from now "no where"...Sometime i really make jokes about myself to kind of motivate myself

The world is changing at a fast pace that things relevant now will no longer matter in 2 years later.

I like being alone and analyze business and economic trends,walking aimlessly in town just to see what global brand are doing."

I mean i do something do also think about "relationship" stuffs as well but then I realize I have "no looks,no money and no future":(. I do sometime have people that i am "interested" in,but i do not really show or tell. I mean the age gap would be like 3-4 years different and i am an weird person as well. So I guess I better keep to my own world and not harm others. ahahaha...

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Back to serious topic.So I am kinda stuck for my "entrepreneur stuff".I did try to apply for the funding but the reply i got was that my idea have no "selling point". I really need help in doing some artwork stuffs so that I can actually have a prototype that i could show.I really don mind if i have to fork out a few hundred bucks to do a small scale products testing and hopefully from there i am able to show actually result of my ideas and get the funding I needed.

over due-post that was left in my draft and forget to upload

So last week was quite fun and hectic but overall i still like it cos it kinda stop me from overthinking stuffs.

So decided to do a post about this week now,when i suppose to be studying for my upcoming MST...So some though kinda hit me again and I begin to question why am I still studying for my course when i have so many reason to stop schooling now and just go NS.Not saying that i am a 4.0 GPA student, but i am really not the kind that like to study. FYI my current GPA is only 2.9

I mean really i something begin to start thinking I am going to finish my year 1 and is it really worth quitting now?? So last semester I have already thought of quitting but my CG people actually did a card and encourage me to press on...

I am trying to gain anyone attention but really after  (1.5 year in NITEC then 6 months in attachment then 6 months in Higher Nitec then 6 months in attachment again), I begin to notice that what we learn in school is different from the workplace and we just go through all this just for the piece of paper. 

Then now i still have to study for 2 year then 6 months attachment then 6 months in school again to get another piece of paper...But is this really worth it?? Initially i thought my time at my poly will let me have some time to really think about what i want in future and to postpone my NS, but now, I kinda have enough of studying... Some lecturer are kinda fun and interesting but some lecturer kinda dampen my mood to study...

I hate to be tied down to stuffs that i don like.  Unbonded class, boring lecture, 6 or 7pm classes when I am only in year 1,no time to work part time and etc...I really hate it when I really don have any choices in life.

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But that is life right??We don have choices when we don have money.. 

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Sometime i am beginning to wondering who I really am...Kinda funny when people like me post this kinda stuff right??

So basically people who known me well enough know that I have 2 name, first is my chinese name (wei qing) and the second is my calling name (ven).

So why I have 2 name??Because i react differently to both name when being called. 

People that called me by my chinese name are people who I can do lots of silly stuffs with regardless of situation and people I am comfortable with example i can just sometime simply utter vulgarities while talking to them.  

People that called me by my calling name are people that i just have to work together with and I behave according to the situation.If the situation need me to be very well manner,I can control myself to not even utter any vulgarities no matter how angry i am. Sometime I can act/react in way that I myself was also shock. Not going hide anything but "ven" is like my alter ego.

I get very annoy when people whom i am not close call me by my chinese name because I will feel very uncomfortable.

Mixed emotion

It one of those day in the raining and cold season that I just wake up and don feel like talking to anyone and feel very down.

So today I just went for lecture which is the first lesson of the day at 11am. So.So I just walk into the lecture hall and my classmate saw me.I just pretend that I never saw them and I just walk to the front of the lecture theater to sit down and do my own stuffs.

Somehow i just feel my mood can be affected by the weather and I am not joking.When its sunny,I would tend to talk more and when its raining and cold,I will really don't feel like talking to anyone. Guess this is just the weird me..

This weekend will be quite busy for me as i already have so much thing that i am looking forward to.But then again i predict that i will be late for some appointment as well.hahaha

Photo of my weekend will be upload as well so stay tune.



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**我也不知道我到底是要什么??如果真的不知道,那么我是不是应该潇洒的走,而不是像一个“虫”

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Why time past so fast

Somehow even though there is not much events this week, time seem to past to fast also.

Cannot seem to figure out what is happening in my body.Being to have blood in my saliva,daily stomachache in the morning and frequent headaches as well.

School work seem never ending and i really cannot think of way to squeeze out time to work as well.My finance is already quite tight and i really want to work.

Thursday cell outing was great,or should i say the dinner was awesome. Want to eat Malaxiangguo but ended up playing "angel & mortal" food edition and we need to buy food for each other.So CL pick my name and know I want to eat that so she bought the food for $20+ and we share the food.Felt so bad about it cos it was kinda expansive. So after than went to the CC nearby and play some game before heading home.

Sunday,was kinda rush and tired for me.Wake up early for LTS class and then went back home to change then went to orchard to meet someone before heading down to SM birthday chalet at NSRCC. Someone the way we meet and know each other was kinda interesting...Did chat with the rest of the "stewarding people" as well.

Kinda give a thought if I want to celebrate my 21 a not.But in the end I decided not to really celebrate it as my schedule will be quite pack for December as well...

Tiring week

Quite a happing week for me...I kinda hate it when I am totally free one week then suddenly all appointment and stuff all happening the following week... Why can't all my appointment and stuff spread evenly throughout...i really hate it when i hate to rush from one place to another as i sweat very easy and i hate my sweat amell cos it's really smelly...hahahahhahahahah

So during one of the lecture this week,i was listening to the lecture,then i notice the rostrum which is on the stage bearing the TP logo,then something kinda stuck me."i ccanot belive i am studying in TP for about 7 months already",somehow TP does not give me a sence of belong at all,perhaps is my character..Can you belive that if people ask me where i am studying how,i still need to think for like 1-2second before answering and sometime i can accidently say i am from RP..

Really miss those time and experience in ITE, where i got a really good CA and "annoying classmate"...Unlike in poly where the classmates are really like those "hi-bye" people you meet in life.I really try to lower my pride and really try to "communicate" with them but then after so many attempt,i really give up...I mean if they treat me a friend/classmate/class rep or whatever,i don't really seem to care so much like i used to.

Friday was kinda busy for me.Having class at 9am seem like a "mission impossible to reach on time" because i am gettin more and more lazy. Follow by group project meeting and we haven really start anything yet. Follow by meeting some people for some "stuff". Then have to rush down to ICA before 4 to do my IC,then after that have to go home to shower then meet some people for "dinner".

Sometime i try to "drown" myself with so much stuff is because i don't want to overthink about certain stuffs,especially during this period of time.I just want to really find sometime for me to really take some time to reflect and rejuvinate before really start doing anyrhing,i don have much time left already.

2 parallel...

Some modules need to form group and I was kinda the "few last pick". Kinda disappointed by then after a while, I kinda feel better when I tell myself that at least i am in a group with different classmates and I hope that this semester project will be better than last semester.


So this few week,there are quite a few acquaintances birthday and for a moment I feel that I am kinda old.Mine birthday is also another 1 month plus from now and I still haven achieve much in my life.I kinda have a goal in my life and yet I still don have the motivation to start anything yet. Kinda have finding the ideal people that i can work with.


Sunday dinner was kinda good and it really bring back memories to when i was interning at banquet.Kinda miss those workaholic days where I can work for more than 13 hours a day and claim OT.Got the thought of going back but then this mean that i need to back my weekend. Hais..


Was checking my phone calendar and i was quite puzzle as to why my phone have this "birthday thing" and till now i was still figuring where it came from. So who is this person??

1.Someone that really help me alot in the previous semester.

2.Some one that kind caught my attention when i first saw her.

3. I still own her a "favor"

4. Someone who like the same color as me. (I guess)

5. and I still can list more thing but i don want to expose the identity. Happy guessing ;).

I kinda hate it when I own someone a "favor" and all of a sudden,the person is just like a "complete stranger to me".If given another chance will I "act" differently??

Update

Was working for DHL as temporary part time logistic assistant with a friend of mine. Was kinda fun and tired at the same time as i was literally drench with my sweat every day after work.The stuff was kinda dusty and my face kinda have some pimples because i kept wiping my face with my "sweat drenched shirt" during work. Learn some new knowledge about logistic.

New timetable was kinda bad as there are lesson that end at 9pm.Gosh...How to work like that??

School start today and was kinda bad for me as I had a bad stomachache and i went to toliet more 4 times. But on a bright side,i get a different project group from last term.Hope i can stick with this new group for this sem.Cos i really to free up my time to start working and i do not wish to "burn" my holiday again.Not saying my previous group was bad but all I can say is the group dynamics was "not there".Hopefully this sem will be good for me.Kinda give up hoping that the class will bond and I do not wish to really shout at them or whatever. If i have no friend in poly that so be it...I can compromise in a friendship but i will not change my self to suit other.

“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” ~Jim Rohn

Was having lesson on macroeconomic when the lecture suddenly divert to the topic on financial intelligence(FI).Kinda suprise that she suddenly talk about this topic and the lecture hall was kinda not intrested from my point of view. To me anyrhing realated to "economy" of "FI" get me excited.Saw the effect on how the "financial crisis" affect my familly each time make me wonder why must I play by the "fault rules",why i cannot play by different rule??

Having worked part time  in more than over  10 big company or TNC or MNC, I reliase that there are alway "problems that exsist but people and management choose to pretend it does not exist" which can be quite costly and not productive. I like the idea of the reality show "undercover boss" because the management of the company "have to wake up" and see what kinda of "shits they are in" and not only see "numbers" everyday. And also throught my work experience, it kinda give me the idea and push me to start my own "ideal model business".

will update this post again.

Back....

Not been posting anything for a month or so.

Good News

• Enjoy my holiday

• GPA 2.9 which was better than i expected cos MST was all borderline pass except Micro which i fail and need to retest.

• Skin rashes was kinda bad in the first few days but now its kinda better

Bad News

• Was rob in MY and my wallet,passport, ipad and valuable was gone.

• Been sleeping quite a lot and feeling giddy everyday

• Was suppose to do my crowd funding stuff but after the robbing incident, for once i really doubt my ability.

• Spending quite a lot and i am kinda broke.

• applying for new IC and passport is kinda hassle cos i am applying for waiver.

So this are some of the updates since the last post.

I am a irony person. I hate to be tied down to schedule,but when its holiday,i would just waste time and rot at home. I have lots of ideas that i want to do or try but I don know who I can called.Plus I don really have any spare money that i can spend on.Haiz...

Been to many "business seminar" and reading some "business-related" book and I understand this important point "no business can be done alone". Been having this idea of find people that I can work with on some business stuff, not those MLM because I tried and understand that is not for me. I am really hoping I can find people that I can really work with on some simple business. 

Why i want to start my own business?? I don really have much time and I don want to be in a situation where I need to "see people face" (Literally translate from chinese). But mine greatest desire is to start a business that can one day "challenge" those big TNC or MNC. I like the feeling of challenging myself.

Shall edit this post later.Time check 2.48am. Good Morning

Study break...

1 week of study break before the exam next week and I still haven finish completely my revision and I know I am kinda screwed.

Been to a few places to study this week, Selear mall,Nex and T1 KFC which I am now at (1.27pm).Should be revising but I kinda have mental block at he moment so I decided to write this post.

Somehow lots of things and advice kinda struck me.Perhaps why I alway have those "roller-coster" moments might be due to not sticking to the"principles" that I set for myself and alway compromise to "fit-in" or using "shortcuts"

Perhaps I am expose to lots of different "ideas" and "situations" since young, I never want to be in the same "spot" that my father have been in and it's kinda a "mental scars" that I acquire like I was quite young.

Along the way in my teen life,I also meet people who explain certain "economics faults" which really took a while to understand but once you slowly begin to understand the basics,I really want to understand the next level. And also I happen to be working part time and internships at different organizations  which really give me a real life example and opportunity to see the "economic faults" in action and it also kinda really motivate me to really be a entrepreneur in the near future.

Given my current situation in life when I only enroll in poly at the age of 21,I would say this period of time it really kinda a "crucial" and " turmoil" period because I am really struggling in my study and on the other hand I want to start my entrepreneur business but the things that is stopping me is "time"," money", "associates"  and the upcoming "economic crisis".

Not afraid to admit I don have any friends in poly. I been in the stage when I am 16 to 18 when the only thing that really matter is friends and fun. And I have completely give up trying to be their friend after the "laptop incident" and "projects incidents". I mean why should I alway "help" other when they don even appreciate my efforts?? For next term(if I manage to) I am really determine to separate my school life and personal life by doing all those school stuffs in school ONLY. Not going to burn my weekends or personal time for school stuffs because I have enough of it.

I am really contend with the "friends" that I already have at the moment. Just a few handful of people that really care about me and that is enough.

On a side note I decided to leave my emotions matter in God hand.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."(Luke 22:42)

Why now??

Decided to write this post as i am on my way back from from school,as this weekend i might not be able to post during the weekend as it might be quite busy.and i don want to always fake the date in my post.

School are still stress as usual,especially when exam are coming and i haven study and there is still tons of stuffs i still not sure about.Got back some of the projects grade and i am quite happy actually.

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Was kinda suprise that my blog actually have reader or might be those "spam bots" but still the purpose on my blog was to really hide those secrets that i really feel unsafe to talk to people. Yar i know its irony posting those secrets online and people can just see.

So yar I think I might have a crush on my classmate.But I will not do anything and just let the feeling fade. To be honest I am really not sure will I make it through this 3 years in poly and my other commitments and etc.

Never had someone that I can really tell him/her everything and get honest feedback.I don seem as strong as I look right??

Burden long weekend

Past week was kinda a burden for me.Rushing projects during the long weekend.

But still did manage to relax a bit by going to Malaysia with a group of people and was kinda fun.We (Rec Team) went in on Sunday 10pm and went to have supper and went back the hotel to play card game till 2am. Then the next day the main group arrive at the hotel lobby about 11am, then we went on with the impromptu itinerary.

Went for a quick lunch before heading to play laser tag and the to slack at a cafe nearby.

Some of us need to go back to Singapore earlier and that was really a bad idea because we saw on the traffic cam there was no jam at the causeway but we waited about 2 hours at the causeway to take the bus back to Singapore. The rest that stay on took a cab to Denga bay to have dinner and they sent this pic through whatapp to disturb us :(

Went back home tired but still need to settle the project as presentation is the next day.

Still did not really revise for the upcoming exam and i am kinda scare i will fail. Hais. Wrong choice to go poly maybe??

back again

For the past 2 week,i can really say i am really close to breaking down point.Projects submission and presentations are all due about the same time and my cough is also not helping. I am also very tired to revise my schoolwork and exam are around the corner.

School is still "shity" to me.Did not really have someone in school that i can really make friend with. Somehow i am pretending nothing happen but I REALLY HATE MY CURRENT SCHOOL LIFE. I don really like to rant bad stuffs about people but then I really hate working with people who only offer to "help" when the projects are due in like 1 or 2 weeks time. I know i am not suppose to do this but then i oversaw some "project group evaluation" and I was really pissed off. 

Kinda amazed by the fact that i still haven quit the course yet. Lots of people keep telling me that i need to adapt to this "poly life" shit but than what the point?? Not boasting but perhaps i have seen more stuffs and people and life and I think I really hate working with a particular of people.

I always tell myself,not to do so much for everyone but i always forget to practice it. Always get taken advantage of by people and get stab in the back for what.I mean really..FOR WHAT??

Sorry for the M.I.A (EDITED)

This whole 28 days have been a roller-coaster riding for me with different stuffs that happened.

14 to 18 June, I went for a church camp in Malaysia and to be honest I did not really enjoy it because during the free time,I was still busy skyping with group-mate to settle the school project and i did not really built friendship with the others church member also. Felt most sermon kinda preach to me at the right time to me.

Somehow my perspiring condition seem to be getting worst and i really want to know what is wrong with my body. Apart from that there seem to be other problems with my body that i cannot pin point so I decided to go for a medical check up and hopefully the result can tell me what is wrong with my body.

Have been starting with this "50 days fast".Somehow the real meaning was to pray for the nation and stuffs but i have different reasons for fasting.For more info about the 50 days fast,below is the link to get more info.I really like the small black book with all the daily devotion material and i have to confess that i did not devote some of my daily time to go through those materials and i skip fasting for a few day also  :((((

Website:http://www.lovesingapore.org.sg/

Get back some of the test paper and i fail microecon really badly 12/50 and i guess i am the lowest in the cohort...Kinda though i can barely pass but i really "hate" maths and i really suck at remembering formula because it so confusing or should i say I prefer simplicity and i get "turn off" the moment I see those messy formula.

School project seem to be much of the burden as some of the project was kinda rejected again and have to redo and the date line seem so close and some lecture tried to be funny and only sent the sample template today or even worst, some lecture ask us to book their time during e-learning week and only to get a reply that they have training and they are not free at all during the e-learning week.Not to rant but serious poly time table is really screw up.

This week, i kinda lose to the "inner devil" inside of me and give in to temptation again. ;((((

i know my blog template have gone haywire and i really cannot figure out which is the code that causes it. HELP ANYONE??

Failed to post on time again. (1 to 7 June)

Kinda fail to post on time again...

So had mid semester test on Tuesday to Thursday and I kinda flunk all paper cos I mind mind really went black and when i try to do last minutes revision before the paper,nothing went in. Guess i have to really do well for my semester test and project to pull up my grades.

So after the last paper on Thursday,meet cg member to have lunch at bugis before heading down to the SEA games carnival at kallang.Want to try some of the booth but the weather is really very hot and I am perspiring like mad, so ended up walking for a while before slacking at the food court till 6pm+ before heading down to amk hub to meet some more cg members.Had dinner and did some chatting and stuff before heading home.

On Friday evening,as I was heading home from amk hub NTUC, I felt someone pat my bag so i turn back and look and I saw someone that I lost contact with.Did some chat up with him and clear some misunderstand. Kinda felt that my perhaps GOD is trying to tell me something which I am struggling now.

Yup just a short post for this week.Kinda trying to figure out my blog code because the alinement have gone haywire.

SATM

 SATM =Mugging for mid sem test.

Just a short post this week as i am rushing to revise for the upcoming test.Been quite an angry week in school because some stuff happen and well, all i can say "god please give me strength to carry on for this 1 year".

To be honest i am being to feel the "generation gap" as school goes by each week. Maybe the problem might be me myself. Somehow i don't really feel that those people are my class are people who I want to built friendship with. Not to badmouth anyone but this is what happen.

 On Monday,I left my bag and laptop outside the class because the room was not open yet and i went to somewhere for a while.When i am back,i saw the class went in the room and my bag and laptop was outside.Perhaps  the fault might be i did not ask anyone to help me look after.But lucky i was only gone for a while and 1 kind soul did help me to move my laptop into the class and my laptop was not stolen.

So i am not convince that my classmate was "selfish" so i decided to try something again on Wednesday. I purposely left my bag with some "classsmate" who was sitting outside the class. again when the class open all went in and my bag was still outside.

Perhaps I don really talk to my current poly "classmate" but then I really feel that people for my ITE days have more common sense as to even thought we were not friends with someone in the class, we will not let their valuable be left unattended.

So I decided something after Wednesday that i will not really do anything for this class even as a class rep. I can be nice to people who treat me badly but then this "class" is not even worth my effort at all.

But on the bright side,Saturday YES was something i can relate to. Be it "relationship", "friendship"," second chance", "suicidal though". Hard to tell that people like me can be down with so much problems and yet still seem so fine on the outside.

I am not really afraid to share my past because i am also human,Life ups and downs is a sure sign that i am still alive each day.

Peharps that "near-death experience" accident 7 years back really change me a lot.And i would say by "mercy" that i can walk out unharmed from that accident.

Not trying to preach Christianity but I am just proud of my faith.

***Will try to fix my blog code after the holiday****

Late post SATM

Was suppose to post on Saturday but was too distracted by my hand phone game.

School was kinda hectic as there are a few interim project submissions and mid semester test is 2 weeks from now and I still don really understand a few module and haven even revise yet.

Guess something that stuck me the most would be a video of nick vujicic called something more.



Reason why i remember this video almost after a week because like nick,i used to have suicidal thoughts because of some stuffs.I will not elaborate what happen,but if your are curious about what happen ask me personally and i will tell you face to face.

But I am proud to say I have walked past those dark day and i am thankfully for each day.

Don't judge people by their physical flaws because they are born with it and they did not chose to have.

Don't hate people because the hurt your emotion,thank them for they made you stronger and wiser.

Don't judge people by their attitude, know their life story first.

Don't hate the world,because there is something worth living each day.

SATM: Barely surviving

Had a FBO class meeting this Wednesday at Clark Quay for dinner.after dinner,the rest suggested to go to "illusion" but was kinda stuck between to go or not to go because there were lesson at 9am the next day but in the end still decided to go with the rest.

I kinda regret paying $40 for the hard liquor because i never try it before and the rest was not really nice.But still i did better than last time because i only puke only once for the whole night.Reach home around 4am and sleep for 3+ hours before dragging myself to school.

Went to Fullerton area with half the class to do some field trip stuff and I was kinda embarrassed because we are walking in and out of the hotel and the security was like staring at us.But still we manage to do what we need to do and was not "kick out of the hotel by them".

Kinda want to talk about "personality" this week,because i was told to do a DISC personality test this week and my result is i am a "DC" person and i am the only one in the class that belong to the "D" type.

As most of the module project is starting,i am kinda irritated, frustrated and stress because tests and projects dateline as so close to each other.And i kinda really need to do lots of self study to "catch up" with the lessons.

When back to school on a Saturday morning and i kinda hate it when my weekend are disturb by school and i initially wanted to go to zouk on Friday night but i know that if i were to go,high chance i will not be able to wake up for Saturday lesson.

So after the sat morning lesson,went to youth service and after the youth service, i had a meeting with my CL and i have to admit i kinda want to escape from her because i know what she want to say to me.But then again i have to agree what she say even though she is very naggy.

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 will re-update this post again because i need to sleep if not i wil be late for school again.

No holiday mood lei.

Went to some cafe with "F1,2013 stewarding ppl" on Thursday after school so i just let the picture describe everything.

For me i would say that the food fusion was worth a try and i would give a 3/5.The ambiance was really an interesting concept but i did not take any picture so if you want to know,you can visit the restaurant yourself.

Restaurant info :La Marelle Cafe @ 25 Baghdad Street

Just a short explanation of the photo above.Saw this "garfield" outside one of the cafe and i am not kidding,the size of the cat is really quite big.Not wanting to disturb it,so i decided to take this photo from a distance.

So after dinner,we are looking for a place for dessert but most of the cafe are full and we ended up walk to Bugis plus and have waffle ice-cream from MarbleSlab.


1 May (labor Day)

Dad say he would bring me to Malaysia today but he did not.So I ended up going Malaysia alone at 7pm.Spent $30 RM on McDonald for dinner because I did not really eat much in the afternoon and i decided to have my 3 in 1 meal (lunch+ dinner + supper) so I order a quarter pounder meal plus 20 pieces nuggets and the lady also give me.I have no idea why she give me this,so i check the receipt and it say it was some kind of promotion item,so i just take it.Intending to sell it away cos it will accumulate dust in my house only.

2 May

Went for the Oikos with the zone people which i initial wanted to skip because i kinda wanted to just stay at home and sleep or play Dota,but eventually decided that i need to exercise so i kinda drag myself to go.Played captain ball,frisbee and volleyball and i kinda had muscle cramp after like playing for 10 minutes but i just decided to just play on.

Dinner with dad after that with my stinky smell from my sweat that dry up on the shirt.

Overview of my SATM

SATM= Status at the moment :).

School

Kinda started school for a week now and i kinda "hate it" at the moment.Class was not those "enthusiastic" kind and was kinda "sabo" to the the class rep because I was the oldest in class. Not really talking to the classmate because i was kinda shy and i tend to sweat a lot in school because the weather is so darm hot and to make matter worst,when my sweat dry up in aircon,it tend to smell.

School schedule was kinda fck up because i still don know how to use the "complicated multiple online platform" and was kinda hard to actually find the up to date timetable.Lots of holiday are coming up soon and guess what??I have to go back school on a Saturday for make up lesson.

Just hoping and praying that school might become better in time to come because once i can settle my school stuff,i can move on to planning my "entrepreneur stuff".Always wanted to challenge myself to become an "all rounder student and a bit more" because i know how hash the world can be and school will be the last place "where we can make mistake and get no consequences"

Weekends

So on Saturday was the BEACH MANIA event which i was part of planing but guess what??It was sunny on the morning when we are setting up and in the afternoon,when we was about to start,it rain and we have to "abort the event" and went to play captain ball in some multi purpose void deck area.Was kinda surprise i did not even have any cramps because i really cannot remember when was the last time i exercise already.

Dessert after dinner was kinda embarrassing because 2 person from our group was queuing for LLAO LLAO and when it their turn we kinda "cut queen" and order 9 cups and i can felt that people are cursing and swearing at us and to make it more embarrassing,all of us are wear yellow t-shit.

What next??

I am also not sure what is next in myself. But.But i would say i would want to put my faith in God again.Because i know through challenges i would learn and bring "force" out of my comfort zone each time.But stay tune guys,will update soon.

Mixed feeling on Back To School

Yup like what the title say.MIXED FEELING...

(Negative feeling)

• Got into TP which was my 3 and last choice when i apply for school.Reasons being it far from my home and from what i hear from other RP seem to be a more "relax" poly compare to other poly in SG. But since i am already in TP,i guess i just have to get over with it as school is starting on MONDAY!!

• As what i expect,i am the oldest in class or perhaps the entire business school students while most of them are 17&18.Hopefully there will not be much "generation gap". 

• During orientation,the lecture say that if we were to late for 3 time,we will only get borderline pass only,so kinda scare i will be late.Taxi fare from my house to school is about $14++ and if on peak hour,most properly is about $20++

• As i haven being official being matriculated into the student database yet,i cannot access to any of the school portal and to make matter worse,everything information can only be search on the student portal.I don really like to say this but "F*** MY LIFE SERIOUSLY"

• Kinda stuck between if i want to be a very "siao on" or a "very relax student", because i kinda wanting to join 2 "Interest group/IG" as both are kinda related to my course and hopefully can get to know more people from there.

• Might not get used to poly as somehow the thing that i learn in ITE might be very different form poly and one example would be presentation skills.One trick that i learn from ITE was to put keyword in the PowerPoint and based on that we can use our own word to present,which i always manage to "smoke my way through".

(Positive feeling)

• AFTER SO LONG,I FINALLY GET INTO POLY. WOOOOOOO

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If people were to ask me if i regret not studying hard in sec 5,my answer would kinda be a YES & NO. Back then in sec 5 i was really clueless and afraid about my future.

It was only in ITE, i found out what i really want and i was even more afraid about my future because i dare to dream bigger, learned not to blindly follow the crowd and was given chance to go oversea to Canada  and that was really something that was the "key changing point".To summarize the trip it would be

 "stepping out of my comfort zone and experience the "ever-changing world" 

So i am kinda curious what would poly be like for me??

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Back Again.(Hopefully can still keep that motivation)

Current status update

.Working (PT/FT)?? --Ended internship about 1 month back and might consider getting a PT job.

(A photo of internship place and my job scope is basically reservation staff, operator, receptionist, kopi kia.)






.Whats next (Poly/NS)??-- Hopefully can defer NS but my poly still haven sent me my enroll pack :(

(Not really the course i wanted and my deferment is still pending )

.Doing what now?? Slacking and lazying around at home and play Maplestory. (yar i know it lame)

(Yar i know its a lame game but i still find the characters cute and there are also new jobs and skills)











.Travel to anywhere during holiday?? Nope,just been to Malaysia twice with my bother and his friends and with my mom and her friends.

7 April
(Impromptu went to Malaysia with my brother and his friend after their dental appointment and by coincident i met a lady that never thought i would meet again.In fact this is not the first time i met her after so long.I still remember i once meet her on an MRT and she was playing with her phone so i guess she never saw me. But somehow whenever I met her again,i would want to go up and apologize to her but then i don have the guts to do what i suppose to done a long time back.

9 April
(Took this photo while having ba ku teh lunch near Malaysia,Sentosa plaza. This was kinda memorable because the last time i  been to the restaurant,something happen and somehow, i regretted a bit.)


So ya those are the few update since i last post.So wanted to restart blogging back after internship but then i have always been lazy and i cannot continue what i started.

Somehow this weekend have been kinda "weird" for me.For those who don know,i have now been to church more often then i used to. Not wanting to say anything to religious here by somehow i believe God have answer my prayer in some part of my life problems and reminding me of some stuffs that i might have "forgotten".

Sometimes i really wonder if I have put up so many "fake masks" that i am beginning to forget who i really am and it kinda felt that i am have some "identity crisis" problems.I am not trying to get attention or sympathy but honestly some part of me want to be like "famous influencer" , " teenage entrepreneur", "excelling in sports", "awesome drummer" and much  much more.

Have to admit i will feel jealous when people can do the things that i want do.I don really want the "fame and glamour" because when you are famous,you don really know who are your really friends and who are just trying to take advantage of you. I admit that i have low self stem and i need something to fill that empty void.

Will update again.so stay tune. 

Disclamer !! Photo are taken from Google!!

Fun & sick week

When I intent to restart blogging,I say that I would want to post everyday,but now,I have been posting weekly only.I must say I have become more and more lazy as time goes by and along the way I really lost a lot "stuffs" like the motivation and the positive attitude to start an entrepreneur project,the discipline to at least read a chapter each day,lost the interest to go to the bookstore to buy a self help book weekly.

Not going to give excuses such as I have no time because of attachment work or etc because really need to be honest with my self and start planing for my life ahead.In a few month time,I am going to hit "20" and I am still not done with my study and NS.

During this week in my workplace,it become more obvious that I am not really suitable in the hotel industry or more specifically the "front office".My personality and interest is more of doing those "back support stuffs" because I can be really shy and I sometime find it hard to get my message across to people and i don't like to deal with lots of guests unless needed,because I have been in "service industry" long enough to see the flaws and beauty of it.And the most valuable lesson I learn is

 "your best cannot please all guest,but you cannot stop trying your best to please the guests"

To be honest I don really care if guest recognize my name or give me tips(unless it a 3 digits tips,I might consider take my words back),but to me what I really want is that satisfaction of guest and letting them leave happy from my workplace,be it a random act of kindness or a "wow" moment for them.

Then again there will alway be those "cheapo" or "nasty" guest that will really spoilt your mood and day with their nonsense.

Ok shall not continue talking about my job for now.

On a happy note,Sunday church outing was fun but we lose the game.haha...but we definitely give our best in trying to beat the other teams despite being outnumber.

Sick week

Finally the 2 week of orientations plus training is finally over.And tomorrow will be the day i officially start my attachment with live guest.Though i have been there to do part time,but somehow i will still feel excited and nervous.

Despite having "work" till 6 pm from Monday to Friday, still i am happy that i can still can fill my day with meeting people and doing stuffs.

But i am kind of happy for the meet up on Monday with some people.Been through lots of things with them during the secondary school years.Guess it was when we went to different path after secondary school,things began to change i guess.To be honest,i did really want to let this friendship drift away at first because of stuffs that happen during the past 2 years and even deleting them from my social media.Then suddenly your called for a meetup and i decided to just turn up.

Yup,i still keep all those letters and picture.During the meetup,those feeling was different from when we were all in secondary school.Somehow i feel so distance from your,even if there was lots of laughter from our conversation.When your talk about the topic of "social media",somehow i just blabber out that i delete your from social media,in hoping that we can really have a heart to heart talk together but then,the more i talk,the more distance i feel from your.Don't ask me why i feel like that because i myself have no idea.

On a lighter note,Saturday church service was awesome i would say.Been to about 4 different church for some time in 11 years and yet ,i am still not wanting to be a christian.Somehow this seen to be the fourth calling and yet,my answer still remain the same.

Been having headaches,flu and ulcer for the whole week and i guess it because of the weather...hais

Guidence week

Yup,lots of outings and stuffs happen this 2 week.

Getting to know new people through a friend of my and somehow I would say it not a coincident that all this happen when I need a new directions.

Somehow during the sharing on the topic of self forgiveness,I somehow felt happy that I manage to have some time to think about past events and really ponder on those past events.Even though it all in the past,to be honest I never really let myself go after all these time.Pretending to not really care but deep down,some of those events and memories are still so clear in my mind.

Call me stupid or what,why bother remember stuffs that can hurt you so much...

Few days back I was at a place and receive an unexpected call from someone.I never really hear what was the call about and I was kinda waiting for the SMS but it never came and I was really to afraid to call back.

Industry attachment was kinda alright as the first week was training.Lots of notes to do but I really gain a lot from the training.hopefully the next week training will be more fun

Wonder-less Friday

Somehow, i loss the excitement of working part time already. Perhaps i know that what i want in my life,is more that having a stable jobs and live a mediocre life. Not saying mediocre life is bad or looking down at people who wish to have a mediocre life. I guess,it because i am still young and i want to try different jobs and wish i can be find something that i really interested in and try to start a business in that area.To be honest,i am interested in quite a number of stuffs and i really want to try all of them.

I have personally have some working experience and meet people who are in their jobs for more that a few decade.When i hear that they stay in their jobs is because of passion and i never quite agree with that statement.Personally i believe that that so-called "Passion" is only something that lass for 5 years at most.Most likely after 5 years,people tend to get bored of what they are doing and stay on because on the money.

Example, When a chef have been cooking for more than 10 years,won't they want to open they own restaurant rather than working for others who are making money off their cooking skills?

Sometime we often chose to "self-denial" the facts and regret later in life why we did not take the opportunities when we are young.Sometimes we are so afraid of what we can achieve because of our surrounding and background.

Guess the reason why i like to take risk is because i have nothing to lose except for my life and i can really give my best shot at the things i want to achieve if i want to and ignoring those that believe i will fail.Rather than say i am unrealistic,i guess i am more of wanting to prove myself to others.Or should i say i am a "好高骛远(  Chinese idiom that describe someone who bite off more than one can chew)" person.

One of my goals in life is to one day be one stage and give talks about the economic and the future.I really get excited when successful people are invited to give a talk about the economic and the future. I am amaze at how some people can have so much visions for the future.Found this video yesterday and watch it and i really like some of the answer that they reply.

Or even better,speaking to thousands of people about your experiences and the journey to success.

This few week,i have been wondering around the towns area alone and kinda have lots of thoughts about lots of stuffs as usual.I am not the kind of person that will plan outings and ask people along because i hate it when a group cannot compromise on a certain things and in the end,no one end up happy.I rather spend time along being carefree and do as i like.But at times,i got to admit,it can be quite bored and lonely.

Personal sharing post.

Kinda want to do post about personal sharing about myself.100% facts.I am challenging myself to face my problems head on.

"READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK"

Keep wondering what is wrong with me.One moment,i can be very highly motivated and the next moment,i can be very down and depress.To be honest,i am a guy that have really low esteem and self confidence.

I am really afraid of "taking the first step" to talk to people.Reasons being i like to "joke" or "play" without limits and sometime people can be angry at me because of it and i don really like to talk to people who keep swearing things about people parents.To me it kind of a taboo because it just show that you don respect your elders and yourself.I have to admit i rarely do it unless i am really really pissed off by that person and the words just "fly out" from my mouth. 

I seldom acknowledge people as my friends because i think that the word "Friends" kinda lose it original meaning nowadays.I prefer to called those "hi, bye people" as acquaintance.People nowadays call someone their "friends" when they only just met the other person for a few time.Guess everyone definition of "friends" are different.

To me,personally,a "friends" is someone who you can comfortably  have a very personal chat with,people who you are willing to help them when they need help and you can just show your true personally in front of them,friendship that can last even without years of not seeing each other.That's the reasons why i don really have much people or almost non, I called "friends" because people tend to "come and go" and when conflicts tend to arise,I can confidently say that I have already tried to compromise and when i see there is no meaning to  haggle anymore,i will just walked away from that friendship because if that friendship is still worth something,the person will then come and try to salvage it.No point try to salvage the friendship alone when the opposite party don't even care anymore right??    

I always have this dream to start my own entrepreneur business,but then i know that i cannot do it alone.I did try to get people to help but i always get turned down.No mater how hard I tried to stay possitive,it's really very demoralizing when you are faced with rejection every time.But i always have this favorite phase that i say to myself which is "But no one say it's going to be easy"

People say i have no fashion sense and i agree.To me i like to wear oversize jeans and shirt.I don't like to wear tight and uncomfortable,just to look good.I don really have any expensive shirt, pants, watch and etc.The most expensive item that i normally wear is my baby G watch which i bought at $150.I always dream that one day,i am so successful that i can just wear my oversize jeans and shirt and travel around the world looking like a broke guy.

Always wanted to get into a relationship,but then which girl in the right mind will like a guy with no look, no money, no talents, unable to sweet talk, super stubborn and low self confident?Kinda stuck when talking about this topic.I just think if any girl were to get into a relationship with me,i will definitely be a burden and embarrassment to her.I mean i am kinda shock and jealous when people around me are in a relationship and i am "forever alone".Not saying i am finding a person to feel "less lonely" but then i just really want to find a soul mate.

Hard to believe right??My confidence level is so low that i often have serious sweaty palm and legs problems.Can you believe that all my flip flop actually turn partially black because of my foot sweat?Yup that how bad my sweaty foot is... ;(.

Shall end here.(photos used in this blog are taken from Google Search and are not mine.) :).